#71 It’s Not Always What We Say..It’s How We Say It.

Since you are my daughter (and also your father’s daughter for that matter) I’m sure we will have many discussions about HOW to say things the right way. “Yes Mom” with a smile means a little something different than “Yes Mom” with an eye roll and a sigh.

You need to realize that life isn’t all about what we say. I agree that you should certainly choose your words carefully. Foul language doesn’t sound good coming from anyone. Rumors, lies, and mocking words can make direct blows to your relationships. However, even saying something nice in the wrong tone can really limit the strength of the words you have chosen.

Times that you particularly need to be watchful of this effect are when you are feeling hurt, angry, and sometimes even sad. Yelling has a time and place. If I am about to do something life threatening without realizing it, I certainly want you to yell a warning to me. That is the point of yelling, to grab someone’s immediate attention–to make them hesitate. However if you go around yelling all the time, whenever you get upset, soon your yelling is not only less effective..all the words you say lose their meaning behind your noisy front. The same goes for whining, mumbling, and even talking really fast (which I often do). All of those tones and speeds we use when talk reflect on what we are saying. They all serve a purpose but you need to be choosy in how you use them.

Before you speak–especially in less than calm situations–I want you to hear in your head how your words are going to sound. Are you nervous? Take a deep breath so you can speak slowly and clearly and be understood. Are you angry? Not only is it important to not say words you will regret, its important to speak the ones you choose as clearly and directly as possible. Do you need something? Can you make the request without dragging out the end of your words in a whiney tone?

#70 Be Present-Be There

At my work lately we have been talking about “being there”, or as some would put it, being present. Daughter, I challenge you to  be consistently present in the moment. In right now. I know that you are young and the future stretches out before you like a rolling green field just waiting for you to run through it. It’s a bright future. One that I want you to get to enjoy–but there isn’t nearly enough that can be said about the power to be happy, present, aware, and appreciative of the exact moment you are in.

I am telling you this because it is something that I personally have always struggled with. As your mother I tend to get caught up in what will be happening tomorrow, next week, next month, and so on. I often get so focused on the things that are coming up I don’t get to enjoy what I have right now. Then the moment is gone.

Thankfully, you and all your toddler awesomeness has begun to help me stay in the moment. At two years old you are so observant of everything. You don’t even have the real ability to worry about the future, only the ability to live for right now. It’s beautiful. It’s eye opening. It is a trait I want you to carry with you as you grow. There will be times where you must plan and think ahead but I want you to guard that section of your heart and mind that has the ability to take the current moment and live in it, to be present and making the best out of the very minute you have. Enjoy now, trust God with the rest.

#69 Be Willing To Make The Assist

There has been some major college basketball watching going on in our house this last month. Triumphs, failures, and even a pretty nasty injury have been televised along the way. One thing that always makes the highlight reel are the slam dunks. It would be hard to deny that a good slam dunk is a great sight. As you move through life I definitely want you to have a few of those take it to the bank slam dunk moments. Moments where you are in charge and in the lime light. Who doesn’t want that for their child? (Ok, maybe a few people).

However, one thing that is even more important to note is that many of those jaw dropping slams and critical three pointers would never have happened without a great and often overlooked teammate assist. To be a successful person in almost any field it is just as important to be able to make the shot as it is to know how to make a great assist. If you want people to back you up during your moment in the spotlight–you have to be willing to return the favor. A great assist can be the difference between a win or a loss, a triumph or a failure, life or death. As you go through life and start being involved in more and more things please don’t be afraid to go in for the assist.

In case you doubt that a great assist can be both amazing and helpful I would like you to watch this video of Steve Nash–king of the NBA assist and multi-time MVP as well as Hall of Famer.

#68 Know That It Is Okay To Say “No!”

In three days you will be two, but if you ask me — you have been two for a while now. Part of being a two year old is exerting your independence, and right now you really love to do that by professing just exactly what it is you won’t do. The word NO is common from you and while at times I have to bite my tongue to keep my thoughts on your independent mind in check – I hope you always know that sometimes it is okay to say No.

It is okay to say no when you’re tummy is full and you don’t want to eat anymore.

It is okay to say no to the dog who won’t stop licking your face.

It is okay to say no when tempted to make fun of the outcast in class.

It is okay to say no when you are sad or mad and someone asks if you feel alright.

It is okay to say no when you feel pressured by friends to dress in a way that doesn’t suit your style.

It is okay to say no to alcohol, cigarettes, or other physical and mind altering substances that are offered to you by people posing as your friends, coworkers, or role models.

It is okay to say no to a social invitation if you don’t feel comfortable with the location, you need some alone time, or you have a test to study for.

It is okay to say no to joining a new club, being in the school play, or joining a sports team when you feel your schedule is already full enough.

It is okay to say no to boys, girls, or any adults who ask to see or touch parts of your body that makes you feel queazy, insecure, or unsafe.

In a world where people have so much pressure to say yes to all of the above things and more. I just want you to always remember that sometimes it is okay to say no.

#67 Don’t Ask A Question If You Aren’t Ready For The Answer

You aren’t four years old yet — but my experience with four year olds is that they ask a LOT of questions. You know what I like about them though? They ask all those questions and they truly want the real nitty gritty answer. It is often the parents or adults who feel awkward about the question asked, and skirt their way around answers when most four year olds I know could more than handle the truth. I wish I could say the same for adults.

Life is full of questions- tough questions at that. Where do babies come from? Where does my dog go when it dies? Am I proud of the person I am becoming? Why did I not get the job I applied for? Now that I have this job WHY did I apply for it? Does he love me? Do I love him? How are you? No REALLY how are you? Do I go to college? Where? Is it time to put mom in a nursing home? Will I be able to retire one day?

You get the point.

I’m making you a promise right now that as you begin to face life’s questions –simple and complex– I will always do my best to be honest with you. To give you the straight answer, and if I don’t know the answer I’ll help you find it. Please be prepared though, because I do not promise to give you the answer you would like, hope for, or desire to hear — if it would be telling you a lie. Don’t think you want an honest answer? Then don’t ask.

I want you to always inquire, to desire to know more about the world around you and yourself. However, the world doesn’t need any more people asking questions who don’t have a thick enough skin to handle the truth. I’m not saying that the answer to every question is something bad or grotesque or discouraging, I just want you to be prepared incase you find out something you weren’t expecting. Ask questions–learn–be pleased with the good and struggle your way through the bad. Just make sure that when you ask, you have your ears and heart ready for the answer.

#66 On a day-to-day basis..keep the makeup simple!

Though I don’t even come close to wearing it every day — I love makeup. I think it is fun to apply and play with. As you grow I’m sure you will discover it to some extent as well.  My number one advice to you is that no matter how much makeup you have on, keep it simple. I understand that there are times where you might get a bit “edgier” — with purpose — but looking like this:

Photo from fork.com

Is rarely conducive to one’s professional development or every day life in general. You are young and you are beautiful. Use your make up to accent the features you have that you already love. Never use it as a way to cover up the beauty God gave you naturally. You won’t be wearing makeup for quite some time but when you do, make sure to take a moment to look in the mirror. Make sure that under that layer of lipstick or eye shadow that you still see YOU. If you ever come to me looking like a clown instead of my beautiful and fresh faced kid/young lady — I will be the first to let you know! Leave the clowns at the circus.

 

#65 Use More Than Dollar Signs To Assess Value

This past year your father and I have had to consistently ask ourselves what things in our life have the most value. We certainly aren’t made of money and when bills pile up, namely those student loans that allowed us to experience some great years that helped to shape who we would become–both in and out of the classroom–it is often easy to start adding $ signs to find value in the things around us. If that wasn’t enough, the media, internet, advertising, and just about every piece of printed material out there is in one way or another telling us to place value in life’s monetary gains and “status symbols”.

I won’t lie, a Corvette would be nice, and probably have at least some temporary value to me. However, every time we sit down and really talk about it, your father and I consistently find that the most valuable things–the things WE want to invest in– have no dollar value attached to them. The things we find most valuable to us always tends to be our faith in God, our positive relationship with each other, YOU and being active participants in your life our pets (and yes they DO require a dollar commitment), satisfaction withour jobs, and also our relationship with friends and family.

Before I start sounding like a feel-good family TV show (or maybe I’m too late for that), let me tell you that keeping the VERY valuable things the center of our focus isn’t always easy. THey aren’t valuable in a measurable way that perhaps an expensive piece of jewelry or set of new top of the line golf clubs are. However, their value is measured in the way these things make us feel, the way they keep our hearts living passionately, the way that they give us constant peace of mind.

Whenever I contemplate getting a higher paying job — that would allow us some “valuable”items – I realize that it would take me away form you and also away from a job that I have now that I really love. No amount of money could make me feel as good as spending a day with you–and working at a job where I feel I really have a chance to make a difference in the world.

My rambling is about done. What I’m trying to say is to always make sure when you consider what is valuable to you — look deeper than the attached % sign. WE all love new “things” — and I’m not telling you to never splurge. Just always remember that value can be measured in laughter, hugs, kisses, hear warming (and a few heart-wrenching) moments — it can be measured in time with a good companion and in so many ways that dollar signs can never add up to.

#64 Be Thankful MORE Than One Day Per Year

It is Thanksgiving and wow do we have a lot to be thankful for this year! I love that our nation has a day that is designed to remind us to be thankful–for friends, family, and everything else we are so blessed with. With that in mind, I want to remind you to live every day thankfully. Be thankful you are alive, be thankful your parents love you, be thankful you aren’t an NFL referee–wait, I got distracted.

As Thanksgivings come and go I hope you will use them to reflect upon all the wonderful things in your life. I also hope that you will remember there are 364 other days in a year to give thanks for as well.

Happy Thanksgiving Everyone.

Here is a Thanksgiving throwback from last year..since I haven’t really taken any this year yet!

#63 When it comes to Children (or children at heart), Painting Your Nails, and Baking–Practice Patience.

I am not a patient person by nature. I crave instant gratification. That’s probably why I enjoyed being a waitress so much–going home cash in hand every day. Enough about me, this blog was designed to be about you.

I have learned that for at LEAST three things in life you must have patience.

1. Doing anything with children. In all reality this should say when doing anything with other people, however it is especially true when you are involved with people younger than yourself. Children think and analyze a lot more than we give them credit for. We shouldn’t be worried about rushing them to meet our point of view, speed of step, or sense of humor. Everything to a young child is new and they will make mistakes. Patience in these situations is critical. if you ever have children of your own or spend time with someone else’s children please be patient with them. Trust me, all of those things that you can do so quick and easily now–like reading this blog–you are only able to do because someone once took TIME and used PATIENCE to teach you when you were a slow beginner.

2. Painting your nails requires patience. Since having you, I have made an effort to be more “girly”. I didn’t want to risk having a daughter who was a girly-girl and having no connection to her simply because I was a tom-boy. It may sound silly but it’s true. One thing I have learned is that when painting your nails you MUST have patience. It might seem like that polish is taking 2 hours to dry (when really it is only 20 minutes) but if you don’t just sit and wait you will find yourself with a smudged goopy mess in no time. Besides, wet nails are a great excuse to just take some deep breaths and enjoy the day. Have patience..they will dry..and your blog will wait ’til they do.

3. Be a patient baker. Karrigan, you are already really good at eating under cooked cookies. My  impatience continually gets the best of me in my baking endeavors. I jump the gun on pulling the pan from the oven EVERY time. Images of burnt edges dance in my mind as I stare into the oven begging the item to finish. Sure enough, I remove the goodies from the oven and proudly call them done–only to find a not so done center. Using a timer doesn’t work, especially when I already know our oven takes longer than average to cook things–but still swear by the time suggestion on the box. When baking sweet one, be patient..let the dough rise, let the oven bake, let the cookies cool or suffer the wrath of a burnt tongue.

Really the point of this post is to remind you that sometimes the best thing you can do is sit back and wait. Let the world slide by, give things time, don’t rush what refuses to move faster anyways. Be patient with your youth, and be patient with me as I grow old and become more like a child once again.

Getting big and playing patty-cake.

 

#62 Go Ahead, Wear White After Labor Day

First things first–summer is drawing to a close which means that I have free time (kind of) again and can update my blogs! Yippee.

Now on to my always so serious (yeah right) advice..and I apologize because today’s is a bit of a rant!

All modesty thrown aside, you look amazing in white. Something to do with your skin tone and that splash of curly red hair makes white look stunning on you. Therefore I give you express permission to wear it well beyond Labor Day. I’m guessing you have already figured out that there is something deeper going on here and as a matter of fact there is. What I want you to know is that sometimes (emphasis on sometimes) it is more than OK to break the “rules”. Life has a lot of rules, both as a child and as an adult. Some of the rules are there to keep you safe. Some are there to help you succeed. Others, much like the “no white after Labor Day” rule can be tossed out a window.

At the end of the day you get to decide what guidelines you will live your life by. Pay attention to whose rules of life you are following. Are they God’s rules? The Laws? Your Parents? Some clothing magazine? Your Friends? Keep an idea of what rules you abide by, and live by those that truly have your best interest at heart. Know the rules, evaluate the rules, and sure (some day I will rue the day I wrote this post) go ahead and test them a little–it may be the only way you ever find out why they exist.

You really can rock the white clothing!!