#58 Accept That Life Is Messy

Life is messy…literally and figuratively. The sooner you accept the mess the sooner you learn to handle it. I don’t want you to live in a slob like state. Do your dishes, wash your clothes, tidy up your home for sure. However, you need to realize that sometimes in order to truly live you have to get a little messy.

Relationships don’t always make sense and fairy tale endings can happen but not usually in the wonderful linear method our story books tell us about. Jobs can be tense and school can be too! Things will happen that are outside of your control. Things that break your heart like the loss of a loved one, and things that vault you to new highs such as achieving a goal you have been striving towards for a very long time. If you spend all of your time trying to “tidy up” your life and control every element of it, you will be stressed and weary well before your years. I hope you learn at a young age that sometimes things happen, things that we don’t deserve, things that we can’t control–but we can control how we react to them. That’s the key. Accepting the mess and doing our best.

I love the age that you are at right now. When you make a mess, it is as if you are oblivious that the mess even exists. You simply alter what your doing to adapt to it..and any mess you can’t clean up or work around you just ignore. You have no anxiety or OCD regarding the messes you make and it makes you live and play without restraint. I hope you know how fabulous you are when you live without fear of the mess and how easy all the messes are to clean up, even if they take a little time.

Here you are painting at 15 months..you didn’t mind your hands looked like a priceless Picasso…and I would be lying if I said your stomach wasn’t painted to match

 

#57 Don’t Use The Distance Around Your Hips or Number On A Scale As The Value Of Your Worth

There is something to be said about weight and body size in relation to health. However there is no reason that you should let physical numbers determine your value as a human being.

Women (and men too!) are under pressure every day to look and be shaped a certain way. What that shape is, depends on a lot of things including peers, career, and the media. According to your father’s career he should be rather rotund from eating a lot of donuts but if you ask GQ he should be lean and wearing jeans that cost a couple hundred bucks. However neither of those expectations will ever define or fit your father.

I never want you to fall under the illusion that the only thing valuable about you is your size because it couldn’t be further from the truth. As you get older you will feel it–that pressure to fit some mental image of the way you should look that often times is unrealistic. I just want you to remember that value comes from relationships with friends and family, a faith in what you believe, leaving a mark on this world that will last forever, and living your life with your heart. Obesity isn’t healthy and it can lead to an early death, but plenty of young women have succumb to the illness and tragedy of going too far the other way. Every minute that you spend looking in a mirror criticizing your growing and changing body is one that you are missing out on a world of opportunity away from your reflection.

Already as your mom there is no value that can be placed on your head. You are irreplaceable to me and to God. You need to be irreplaceable to yourself as well. I want you to be healthy and I understand that neither you or I will always love our appearances–I also want you to know that there is much more to your life and to your worth than what you wake up and see in a mirror.

#56 Eat Dinner With The Family

Right now you eat dinner with us — largely because we strap you in your high chair and make you

However the time will come when you become increasingly busy. Sports practices, band recitals, friends whose mom’s make better dinners, will start to draw you away. I’m begging you now to please under every circumstance possible eat dinner with the family. Spend your days at school, your afternoon playing and doing what makes your heart sing, but spend an hour a day at the table with us.

Dinner together is more than just a chance to eat and refuel. It is an opportunity to talk, to catch up on the busy lives we often get caught up in running around leading. It’s a chance to vent, to argue, to laugh, and to spend at least one hour of your day with people who won’t always like you but I promise will always love you.

If you can promise to come to the table and eat–I can vow to keep attempting to make meals that don’t suck and turn off the TV long enough to listen to the sound of your chewing or hopefully the voice of your day. I’ll let you argue with your dad and maybe your future siblings, and ask for dessert even though you haven’t touched my attempt at a casserole. Sometimes I’ll even let you squeak out on dinner early if you will amuse me with a few minutes of your time–although it means you’ll have to stick around for dishes the next day.

Eat dinner with the family now, eat dinner with your family when you grow up…in a world of rushing here and there and everywhere you will be glad you did. Here you are eating leaves last fall…can’t believe how much you have grown since this picture..but I promise to never serve you leaves for dinner.

#55 Don’t Give Up On Your Favorite Sports Team

Band wagon fans. They drive me crazy. I think if you have a team you like, you support them when they are up AND when they are down. If your favorite team wins the Super Bowl every year..for 20 straight year..then I hate to tell you that you have never learned what it means to be a fan. What it means to be loyal.

Your father and I are Chiefs fans. We know what it means to “love them through the bad years” and some day when they have a great year we will be right along celebrating with them. It doesn’t matter if our team loses five games in a row, we support them because we like them, because we are fans, because we are loyal. Sure, people might eyeball your dad’s bright Chiefs jacket and shake their head –but he doesn’t care. He has a favorite beloved team and he won’t give up on them.

When you pick a sports team stick with them. Honestly, if you can’t stick with something as simple as that–can you really stick with anything at all? What about that friend who has suddenly become the victim of teasing? How about that family member who just can’t seem to figure out where they are heading in life? What about your religious beliefs? I think being loyal to a favorite team should be simple in the light of those other forms of loyalty.

You can be a Chiefs fan with us or you can infiltrate our home with enemy apparel – just pick a team and stick with them!

#54 Do Things You Aren’t Good At

I want you to find things that you enjoy and are good at–and I want you to have a blast doing them. With that said, I also hope that you will challenge yourself to reach new heights, to not be afraid to challenge yourself, to not fear the fact that you may very well fail at something. It’s okay.

Those things that we aren’t good at–have a lot to teach us. They teach us about humility, they help us to expand our skills and knowledge, they help us become better than we were the day before.

This is coming from someone who hates being bad at things. I don’t have to be the best–but I want to at least be proficient at everything I do. It took me a long time to accept that sometimes that would mean having to work for it. I’m a horrible cook–but I’ve been working on it and while I’ll never be on “Top Chef” I can at least provide for my family now. It wasn’t always like that, and I still do things like burn rice, mix ingredients wrong, and make several other entertaining mistakes..but I’m getting better!

Young daughter, don’t fear the edge of your comfort zone. Stretch yourself, push yourself, allow others to teach you, and don’t be afraid of not being “good enough” because for every thing you will struggle with you will find something else you rock at.

This Momma Has Been Slacking…Kind Of.

My dearest daughter..it has been a while since I’ve posted and I have not forgotten you. I’ve simply been distracted by work, by you, by life. The thing I thought would keep me motivated in my advice to you rather back fired. Turns out I liked my advice being “original” or as I thought of it. You win some you lose some.

Tomorrow I will be back to my old agenda of giving you the advice as it comes from my heart, to my mind, to my finger tips.

#53 Make Peace With Your Past So It Won’t Screw Up The Present

Basically I take this as–tie up your loose ends, forgive yourself for mistakes, and don’t be afraid to apologize–all wrapped into one.

Little girl your future is so very bright. Along the way you are going to make great decisions and have good days. Unfortunately, you will also probably make bad ones and have some not so amazing times. It is at the times we realize we have strayed from making good choices, whether of ourself, our family, or our friends that we have a vital decision to make. My suggestion in these instances is to pray. Some people doubt the power of prayer–but I don’t know how someone who prays often and with sincerity could, as I truly feel I have seen amazing things come from my quiet times of prayer.

From there you need to take steps to correct your mistakes. Perhaps you need to ask others for forgiveness for unkind actions. Usually though I find, that you need to forgive yourself. You can’t move on past regrettable decisions until you forgive yourself, knowing that you are going to learn from your mistakes and give yourself the present and future times you deserve.

Pray, learn from your mistakes, don’t burn your bridges, follow through on your word even if it’s difficult, ask for forgiveness and give it too — these things will help your past build up your future instead of let it haunt you. Just note, I never said they were easy. Look it’s some random pictures of me as a kid with the best dog a girl could ever know…..

This post is an elaboration on an article containing advice from Regina Brett..the article can be read here.

#52 Save For Retirement Starting With Your First Pay Check

Saving. Our world has a problem with always living in the now. Why do you think the internet is so successful? Everyone can get things they want..Right Now. With money though, please think into the “later” part of things. Putting away a little money now leads to happiness later. Don’t rely on social security–it will be long gone before you are old enough to collect. Don’t think someone else is going to save for you. Chances are they aren’t. Starting with that first dollar you make designate yourself some savings.

Your dad and I aren’t rich but we know the importance of securing our own future. Some day we would love to spend our time baby sitting our grand children, watching sunsets fall, and yelling at kids we don’t know to get off our perfectly manicured lawn. That will never happen if we don’t put aside our dollars now. There is a reason we don’t have car payments or credit card debt. There is a reason we aren’t currently in a $200,000 house. We want to be able to enjoy our old age and we are able to enjoy our life now with our simple but sweet life.

When you have your first “real job” pay your bills, put aside for retirement, put aside for God, and then see what you have left. As you grow we will be covering this again. Your future self will thank you for it.

(Due to a mix of writers block, business, and life I have skipped a couple pieces of advice from Regina Brett’s article..upon which this post is an elaboration. You may read her article full of great advice here.)

#51 You Don’t Have To Win Every Argument — Agree to Disagree

This is a lesson your mom is still working on. I can’t lie–I like to have the last word.

Truth of the matter is that you will never make everyone agree with you. Sometimes that can be frustrating and other times it can be beautiful. Sometimes someone who has a different view point than yourself can really open your eyes. Especially when as humans we tend to have tunnel vision at times–seeing only what we want to see.

One thing that has helped me with this piece of advice is you. Your dad and I definitely have different opinions on parenting at times–from what you should eat to what you should wear. Being able to disagree but still find a solution that has enough common ground for us both to be happy has helped you survive your first year of life! The gentle give and take of our parenting styles has worked to make you a pretty well rounded kid this far.

Also as a new parent everyone has advice for how best to do–well just about EVERYTHING! I quickly had to learn to take the advice with a smile and nod and not spend hours futilely defending my point. Being a parent has really made me realize that sometimes people just do things differently.  Not wrong, just different.

If you have my personality I’m sure you will find yourself fighting for the last word like I always do. I just hope you will know that sometimes its best just to agree to disagree.

However when it comes to Justin Bieber (Yes this may be a long running inside joke)..

This post is an elaboration on an article written by Regina Brett which inspired the start of this blog. You may read her article in full here.

#50 Pay Off Your Credit Cards Every Month

We are skipping advice #4 in the column because I covered it in a very similar fashion in advice #9 Laugh Every Day.

Number 5 is “Pay off your credit cards every month.”

Better yet kid, pay with cash. Living within your means is just that–spending what you have. Of course when you do things like go to college or buy a house some long term loans will most likely be involved. However, if you max out your credit card in the first month you get it–you won’t be paying it off soon unless you waited until you were a doctor to get a credit card.

Credit cards can be used to serve a purpose. In college I charged my gas each month to a credit card so that I essentially got my fuel bill in one monthly statement. What I didn’t do was buy the latest designer purse or dinner for myself and 20 friends because at the end of the month I knew that I would never be able to pay it off.

When you don’t manage to pay your card off–the credit company starts making money in the form of interest. They can charge you a percentage of what you owe and tack that amount on top of your balance for the next month. This is how you quickly get into a hole.

I am proud to say that your father and I have no credit card debt. We both have credit cards which we use occasionally. However it is usually a planned expense or a complete emergency (and not a hunger craving emergency). We do pay off our card EVERY month if we even have a balance. Until you have enough self control to spend your CASH responsibly you have no need for a credit card. Get a budget, live on cash, and then get yourself a credit card (having a credit history when you are a responsible card user can be in your favor). Pay off your card every month!! If you can’t pay off your card every month then get rid of it.

I do acknowledge that their are exceptions to every rule–however I thoroughly believe in this piece of advice when applied to a typical life scenario.

(This post is an elaboration on an article written by Regina Brett which can be read in here.)